【聯合報╱洪蘭】 2011.03.02 03:23 am
我的貓很黏人,我走到哪裡牠跟到哪裡:我在床上看書,牠睡在我的腳旁邊;我在桌上寫東西,牠睡在桌下我的書包上,但是牠從來不會像我以前養的那些貓一樣,跳到我腿上來
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編按:此文原刊於【2008-07-30/經濟日報/A14版/企管副刊】 2008年2月11日,農曆大年初五,很多人都還在新年的歡樂氛圍裡,一場無名大火燒毀了雲門舞集位於台北縣八里鄉的排練場。雲門舞者的「家」垮了,雲門35年心血付之一炬,很多人哭了。 對多數人而言猶如「天塌下來般」的這個無情重挫,雲門舞集創辦人暨藝術總監林懷民沒有時間悲傷,只能以「接受」的態度緊急善後,他平靜地說:「這是上天給雲門的試煉」。 大火過後,有一天,林懷民和同事走在淡水街頭,勘察雲門的新落腳地點時,一位呼嘯而過的年輕摩托車騎士突然煞車走向前來,問林懷民:「你是林老師嗎?加油!」讓林懷民對許多識與不識者的關心,點滴在心頭。 浴火試煉…考驗多到數不清 要了解林懷民到底用什麼樣的心境,帶領雲門度過這個外界看來「重大挫折」的考驗,得回頭看他對「失敗」所持的態度。 1973年成立以來,雲門獲得國內外讚譽無數,從世俗眼光來看,不論林懷民個人或雲門舞集都是成功者;但事實上,身為財務必須自給自足、長期在存亡邊緣掙扎的獨立當代舞團,雲門35年來遇到的考驗、挫折或「失敗」,數也數不清。 1988年,成立15年的雲門,雖然已是外國記者來台必訪的「台北一景」,但在眾多壓力與因素下,不得不決定「暫停」。在很多人眼中,這是個「大失敗」,但林懷民說:「停掉那天,我高興的不得了!」 早在1986年,林懷民就想結束雲門。當時雲門第一代舞者多數已30歲,有了家庭、孩子,但雲門無法給他們更好的經濟條件,加上當時他已在國立藝術學院(現在的北藝大)舞蹈系任教,在舞團與學校奔忙猶如蠟燭兩頭燒,所以興起雲門休團的念頭。 他開始展開人員的安頓工作,例如安排資深舞者去教書,協助年輕舞者到紐約深造等,雖然雲門休團前還有八個國家的邀約,但當時的林懷民累了、也沒錢了,「我覺得好棒,兩年計畫完成了。」他回憶當時彷彿鬆了一口氣的情景。 人生字典…沒有成功或失敗 「當時我沒有想過雲門以後會復出,也沒有覺得我失敗了,我想我的字典裡從來沒有『失敗』或『成功』的字眼,只有事情『順不順』,如果不順,就想辦法解決,讓它順。所以,我從來不覺得自己成功;同樣的,有時外人覺得我失敗,但我不覺得自己失敗。」 的確,做了這個決定後,林懷民休息了,很多舞者去讀書,後來雲門1991年復出登台,舞者再歸隊時,整體狀況比之前好很多。從現在看來,根本不是失敗,反而是個成功的轉捩點。 對於這種失敗與成功總是以彼此分身或孿生出現的情況,林懷民一直有很深的體驗,也養成他向來不思考成功或失敗的習慣。 聯考就是一例。初中考高中,他差三分沒考上台中一中,外人覺得這是他的失敗,他自己一點都不覺得,因為「我考前整個月都在看武俠小說,看得很開心」;大學聯考考上政大法律系(隔年轉新聞系),沒考上台大,對家族成員幾乎都「系出台大」的林家而言,他的成績被視為「家族的大失敗」,但他卻說:「天知道我考前才開始K書,這是失敗嗎?也許是成功!」 他再舉例,在時間倉促下,雲門的一些舞蹈作品未臻完善,或舞者演出不盡完美,但觀眾很喜歡,從外在眼光看來,是成功了,他卻一點都高興不起來;有時則情況剛好相反,觀眾可能對某舞作的反應一點都不激昂,甚至有人覺得這是個失敗的作品,他卻覺得很滿意。 林懷民認為,經營企業,成功比較容易定義,至少賺錢就是成功;但「做我們這一行,不敢想成功,因為雲門一直在經濟拮据中求生存,創團19年才拿到第一筆政府補助,常常不知道怎麼活到明年,哪有心思想成功這件事?」而且作為台灣第一個職業舞團,雲門成立後沒有其他團體的經驗可借鏡,事情進行的不順,就設法改善,自己摸索著去解決問題。 他進一步解釋,表演團體今天晚上的成功或失敗,明天不保證重演,這個作品的成功,與下個作品的成敗,也完全不相關,所以,雲門從來沒有慶「功」宴,因為「就算今晚很歡騰,明天卻一無可恃」。而明天過後還有明天,每天都是從頭開始,幕拉起的那一剎那,絕對要捏一把汗,卻不保證一定成功;但如果有一天掉以輕心,不再捏一把汗,絕對垮。 不斷嘗試…每天都是新開始 「藝術需要你五體投地,但它不見得對你微笑,你一刻都不敢疏忽,但有時好像也不能太認真。」林懷民感觸很深地說,這種永遠必須重來的心境,只有「一試再試試不成,再試一下」的歌詞,差可比擬,也讓他完全沒有時間去想成敗這件事。 林懷民坦言,年輕時壓力比較大,常沮喪,覺得社會上那麼多人對他有期待,會讓他不自覺地誇張某種情緒;現在反而不覺得自己有啥形象需要維護。雖然因為長年「拋頭露面」,自然有些人認識他、多瞧他幾眼,但他照樣坐捷運、外出,有人跟他打招呼,要簽名,他也從來不會覺得有啥不方便或被干擾。 林懷民「成敗不著於心」的修練,深受家風影響。 出身嘉義縣新港鄉的林懷民,父親林金生曾任考試院副院長,可說是嘉義的書香望族之後,從小父母認為小孩把書念好、把事做好是理所當然的。 林懷民記得,他小時候考試考98分,母親就問他:「還有兩分去哪了?」即使考100分,回家也從來不會有獎品。 更讓他印象深刻的是,小時候有些人家裡較窮,晚上只能在路燈下苦讀,所以,母親更是覺得:「你在家裡面唸,唸的比別人好,是應該的。」讓他每次看到有人在路燈下唸書,就擔心自己可能又要挨罵了! 這樣的家風,讓林懷民從小認為做就對了,做好更是應該的。他形容自己:「我從小有個特質,就是台灣話說的『認份』。我的叛逆性不高,藝術家氣質不夠,從來不曾翻臉拍桌,而是迂迴曲折地走到現在的位置。有人覺得我排舞時嗓門很大、很怕我,我想那只是溫和的強悍。」 幾件年輕時經歷的事,更讓林懷民早就習慣失敗,認為失敗是理所當然。 林懷民曾是震驚台灣文壇的早慧型作家,初三第一次投稿,就被當時文壇名家林海音主持的聯合副刊所採用。他再接再勵,勤寫不輟,但不見得每一篇都會被採用。當時甲報退他的稿,他就投給乙報,乙報退稿,他就投給甲報,真的都沒人要,他就把稿子給扔了。 這讓他年紀輕輕時,就體會到「被退稿,是人生的必然」的哲學式啟蒙。 還有一次,雲門成立第一年,他和朋友出門貼海報,心想西門町人潮最多,便花了一個下午的時間,挨家挨戶詢問,可否讓他們貼海報。 一個下午下來,只有一家商店願意張貼,朋友為他打抱不平,大罵店家不支持藝術。林懷民卻對他說:「願意放我海報的那家,我很感謝他,其他不放的人,我一點都不生氣。想想看,如果是你家,你願意隨便讓人來貼東西嗎?」 「被人家拒絕,我認為是應該的,我接受它,然後處理自己,把自己擺平,就是做好管理的第一步。」林懷民說,他很年輕就學不把情緒放在人之常情上。 做為編舞家,他說,藝術創作到底要認真、還是該輕鬆,是種隨時都在浮動且不斷調整的狀態,「有時只要能把覺睡好,音樂聽好,每天精神飽滿,一步步做好,就成了,雖然也不見得每次都有效」。 但身為舞團的創辦人及管理者,他卻必須管理好自己,才有辦法讓舞團運作順利。他天天都希望自己能早起、運動,再編舞,卻幾乎做不到,這讓他頗感無力。他說:「我真的對這件事很懊惱,自己管不好自己,不能早起,是可恥的,讓我覺得自己天天都在失敗。」 因此,即使早就享有來自國內外的肯定與成就,林懷民說:「也許我從來沒有成功,但抱著遺憾繼續活下去,也不是我的個性。所以,我忙慣了,永遠在講,接下來我要做什麼。我相信一定要去做,但沒有一定非要成功不可,失敗是理所當然,成功也是應該的,幹活就對了。」 面對失敗,記住它 從事舞蹈多年,林懷民最喜歡看舞者謝幕,因為那自信的身影「漂亮極了」,更是「台上一分鐘,台下十年功」的優美詮釋。 1975年雲門開始出國表演,「我們不允許自己失敗,因為台灣的面子在我們身上。」這可能是所有舞者共同的心聲。但林懷民說,經過30多年在國際上「走跳」,現在雲門舞者自信、自在,再也不怕沒掌聲。 只不過,上台演出緊張、怕失敗,在所難免,不只舞台新人,即使資深舞者也一樣戰戰兢兢;萬一有人表現不理想,林懷民希望舞者對待「失敗」的態度,不是淡然處之,而是「記住」。 一位年輕舞者第一次出國公演,演出後得到熱烈掌聲,高興到整晚念念不忘。林懷民不希望他得失心太重,影響到隔天演出,輕輕提醒他:「拜託一下,你趕快去睡,不要再想這件事!」 第二天,這位興奮的年輕舞者照樣上台,卻在某個段落一個很小的細節上,沒有跳好,雖然觀眾都沒有看出來,但舞者自己心裡清楚,林懷民更看在眼裡。 謝幕時,觀眾同樣給予熱情掌聲,年輕舞者跟著舞團成員第一次謝幕完後,還想出去再謝幕時,卻在後台被林懷民拉住。 林懷民告訴他,今天沒有跳好,沒有資格謝幕,並要他在幕後站定,直到其他人謝幕完。「我就是要他記住失敗。」林懷民說。 加分主義取代扣分主義 對於台灣社會向來只鼓勵成功,很少教人學習如何面對失敗,林懷民認為,台灣應加強年輕人的「失敗教育」,不要以為學業成績是唯一的成敗標準。 他說:「年輕時,我是『扣分主義』,一直在問自己,我怎麼沒有做到那樣;現在我是『加分主義』,我本來就做不到那樣,所以,只要多做到一點,我就加分。」 他憂心台灣年輕人沒有青春期,因為現在的青春期幾乎變成了消費期;他並希望社會應多給年輕人空間,不論家庭或學校教育,對於年輕人應多採取「加分主義」,讓他們從生活信心、學業信心中,一點一滴為自己加分。 【2009/05/14 經濟日報】@ |
This is the text of the Commencement address by Steve Jobs, CEO of Apple Computer and of Pixar Animation Studios, delivered on June 12, 2005.
I am honored to be with you today at your commencement from one of the finest universities in the world. I never graduated from college. Truth be told, this is the closest I've ever gotten to a college graduation. Today I want to tell you three stories from my life. That's it. No big deal. Just three stories.
The first story is about connecting the dots.
I dropped out of Reed College after the first 6 months, but then stayed around as a drop-in for another 18 months or so before I really quit. So why did I drop out?
It started before I was born. My biological mother was a young, unwed college graduate student, and she decided to put me up for adoption. She felt very strongly that I should be adopted by college graduates, so everything was all set for me to be adopted at birth by a lawyer and his wife. Except that when I popped out they decided at the last minute that they really wanted a girl. So my parents, who were on a waiting list, got a call in the middle of the night asking: "We have an unexpected baby boy; do you want him?" They said: "Of course." My biological mother later found out that my mother had never graduated from college and that my father had never graduated from high school. She refused to sign the final adoption papers. She only relented a few months later when my parents promised that I would someday go to college.
And 17 years later I did go to college. But I naively chose a college that was almost as expensive as Stanford, and all of my working-class parents' savings were being spent on my college tuition. After six months, I couldn't see the value in it. I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life and no idea how college was going to help me figure it out. And here I was spending all of the money my parents had saved their entire life. So I decided to drop out and trust that it would all work out OK. It was pretty scary at the time, but looking back it was one of the best decisions I ever made. The minute I dropped out I could stop taking the required classes that didn't interest me, and begin dropping in on the ones that looked interesting.
It wasn't all romantic. I didn't have a dorm room, so I slept on the floor in friends' rooms, I returned coke bottles for the 5¢ deposits to buy food with, and I would walk the 7 miles across town every Sunday night to get one good meal a week at the Hare Krishna temple. I loved it. And much of what I stumbled into by following my curiosity and intuition turned out to be priceless later on. Let me give you one example:
Reed College at that time offered perhaps the best calligraphy instruction in the country. Throughout the campus every poster, every label on every drawer, was beautifully hand calligraphed. Because I had dropped out and didn't have to take the normal classes, I decided to take a calligraphy class to learn how to do this. I learned about serif and san serif typefaces, about varying the amount of space between different letter combinations, about what makes great typography great. It was beautiful, historical, artistically subtle in a way that science can't capture, and I found it fascinating.
None of this had even a hope of any practical application in my life. But ten years later, when we were designing the first Macintosh computer, it all came back to me. And we designed it all into the Mac. It was the first computer with beautiful typography. If I had never dropped in on that single course in college, the Mac would have never had multiple typefaces or proportionally spaced fonts. And since Windows just copied the Mac, its likely that no personal computer would have them. If I had never dropped out, I would have never dropped in on this calligraphy class, and personal computers might not have the wonderful typography that they do. Of course it was impossible to connect the dots looking forward when I was in college. But it was very, very clear looking backwards ten years later.
Again, you can't connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something — your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever. This approach has never let me down, and it has made all the difference in my life.
My second story is about love and loss.
I was lucky — I found what I loved to do early in life. Woz and I started Apple in my parents garage when I was 20. We worked hard, and in 10 years Apple had grown from just the two of us in a garage into a $2 billion company with over 4000 employees. We had just released our finest creation — the Macintosh — a year earlier, and I had just turned 30. And then I got fired. How can you get fired from a company you started? Well, as Apple grew we hired someone who I thought was very talented to run the company with me, and for the first year or so things went well. But then our visions of the future began to diverge and eventually we had a falling out. When we did, our Board of Directors sided with him. So at 30 I was out. And very publicly out. What had been the focus of my entire adult life was gone, and it was devastating.
I really didn't know what to do for a few months. I felt that I had let the previous generation of entrepreneurs down - that I had dropped the baton as it was being passed to me. I met with David Packard and Bob Noyce and tried to apologize for screwing up so badly. I was a very public failure, and I even thought about running away from the valley. But something slowly began to dawn on me — I still loved what I did. The turn of events at Apple had not changed that one bit. I had been rejected, but I was still in love. And so I decided to start over.
I didn't see it then, but it turned out that getting fired from Apple was the best thing that could have ever happened to me. The heaviness of being successful was replaced by the lightness of being a beginner again, less sure about everything. It freed me to enter one of the most creative periods of my life.
During the next five years, I started a company named NeXT, another company named Pixar, and fell in love with an amazing woman who would become my wife. Pixar went on to create the worlds first computer animated feature film, Toy Story, and is now the most successful animation studio in the world. In a remarkable turn of events, Apple bought NeXT, I returned to Apple, and the technology we developed at NeXT is at the heart of Apple's current renaissance. And Laurene and I have a wonderful family together.
I'm pretty sure none of this would have happened if I hadn't been fired from Apple. It was awful tasting medicine, but I guess the patient needed it. Sometimes life hits you in the head with a brick. Don't lose faith. I'm convinced that the only thing that kept me going was that I loved what I did. You've got to find what you love. And that is as true for your work as it is for your lovers. Your work is going to fill a large part of your life, and the only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work. And the only way to do great work is to love what you do. If you haven't found it yet, keep looking. Don't settle. As with all matters of the heart, you'll know when you find it. And, like any great relationship, it just gets better and better as the years roll on. So keep looking until you find it. Don't settle.
My third story is about death.
When I was 17, I read a quote that went something like: "If you live each day as if it was your last, someday you'll most certainly be right." It made an impression on me, and since then, for the past 33 years, I have looked in the mirror every morning and asked myself: "If today were the last day of my life, would I want to do what I am about to do today?" And whenever the answer has been "No" for too many days in a row, I know I need to change something.
Remembering that I'll be dead soon is the most important tool I've ever encountered to help me make the big choices in life. Because almost everything — all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure - these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important. Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart.
About a year ago I was diagnosed with cancer. I had a scan at 7:30 in the morning, and it clearly showed a tumor on my pancreas. I didn't even know what a pancreas was. The doctors told me this was almost certainly a type of cancer that is incurable, and that I should expect to live no longer than three to six months. My doctor advised me to go home and get my affairs in order, which is doctor's code for prepare to die. It means to try to tell your kids everything you thought you'd have the next 10 years to tell them in just a few months. It means to make sure everything is buttoned up so that it will be as easy as possible for your family. It means to say your goodbyes.
I lived with that diagnosis all day. Later that evening I had a biopsy, where they stuck an endoscope down my throat, through my stomach and into my intestines, put a needle into my pancreas and got a few cells from the tumor. I was sedated, but my wife, who was there, told me that when they viewed the cells under a microscope the doctors started crying because it turned out to be a very rare form of pancreatic cancer that is curable with surgery. I had the surgery and I'm fine now.
This was the closest I've been to facing death, and I hope its the closest I get for a few more decades. Having lived through it, I can now say this to you with a bit more certainty than when death was a useful but purely intellectual concept:
No one wants to die. Even people who want to go to heaven don't want to die to get there. And yet death is the destination we all share. No one has ever escaped it. And that is as it should be, because Death is very likely the single best invention of Life. It is Life's change agent. It clears out the old to make way for the new. Right now the new is you, but someday not too long from now, you will gradually become the old and be cleared away. Sorry to be so dramatic, but it is quite true.
Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life. Don't be trapped by dogma — which is living with the results of other people's thinking. Don't let the noise of others' opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.
When I was young, there was an amazing publication called The Whole Earth Catalog, which was one of the bibles of my generation. It was created by a fellow named Stewart Brand not far from here in Menlo Park, and he brought it to life with his poetic touch. This was in the late 1960's, before personal computers and desktop publishing, so it was all made with typewriters, scissors, and polaroid cameras. It was sort of like Google in paperback form, 35 years before Google came along: it was idealistic, and overflowing with neat tools and great notions.
Stewart and his team put out several issues of The Whole Earth Catalog, and then when it had run its course, they put out a final issue. It was the mid-1970s, and I was your age. On the back cover of their final issue was a photograph of an early morning country road, the kind you might find yourself hitchhiking on if you were so adventurous. Beneath it were the words: "Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish." It was their farewell message as they signed off. Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish. And I have always wished that for myself. And now, as you graduate to begin anew, I wish that for you.
Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish.
Thank you all very much.
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http://news.stanford.edu/news/2005/june15/jobs-061505.html